Words are powerful. 

The right words can be a source of comfort and connection. 

The wrong ones, even if well-intended, can feel dismissive, frustrating or isolating, especially when going through a health journey - illness, recovery or any other major life event or challenge.  

If you’re looking for ways to show up and support someone in their time of need, without accidentally saying the wrong thing, look no further!  

Ultimately, good support isn’t about fixing things, it’s about showing up in a genuine way.

Here’s a quick guide to what not to say, and what to say instead.

🚫 “Let me know if you need anything.”

This puts the burden on the person in need to figure out what they need and when to ask for it, which can oftentimes feel overwhelming.

✅ Try these instead:

✔ "I’m free on Wednesday, can I bring you dinner?”

✔ “I’m heading to the pharmacy today, do you need anything?”

Specificity makes it easier to say yes. 

Offering concrete help reduces the mental overload of delegating.

🚫 “I know exactly how you feel.”

Even if you’ve been through something similar, no two experiences are exactly alike. While the intent is to relate, this can seem like you’re shifting the focus to yourself, rather than listening to the person you want to support.

✅ Try these instead:

✔“I can’t imagine what this is like for you, but I’m here to listen.”

✔ “That sounds incredibly hard. Do you want to talk about it?”

This kind of language acknowledges their experience without assuming or minimizing their feelings.

🚫 “At least…” (“At least it’s treatable.” “At least you caught it early.” “At least it’s not worse.”)

Even if something could be worse, that doesn’t mean what they’re going through isn’t difficult. Statements of sorts can unintentionally dismiss their pain and struggle.

✅ Try these instead:

✔“That sounds really rough. How are you feeling about everything?”

✔ “I’m here for you, no matter what.”

This way you can validate their experience instead of diminishing it.

🚫 “You’re so strong, you’ve got this!”

While meant to be encouraging, this can make someone feel like they have to be strong all the time, and make it harder for them to be vulnerable.

✅ Try these instead:

✔ “You don’t have to be strong all the time, I’m here for you.”

✔ “You don’t have to go through this alone, I’m here with you.”

This way you can reassure them that it’s okay to struggle and to lean on others.

🚫 “Everything happens for a reason.”

This statement implies that suffering is necessary or justified, which in addition to not being comforting to most people, can also feel invalidating, especially when someone is in pain. 

✅ Try these instead:

✔“This situation is really unfair, and I’m so sorry you’re going through it.”

✔ “I might not have the right words, but I care about you and am here for you.”

This acknowledges the difficulty of their experience without forcing meaning onto their pain.