Asking for help is hard for the best of us. 

It’s especially hard to ask for help when we really need it. 

For many of us, it boils down to guilt. 

Thinking to yourself:

“I don’t want to be a burden.”

“Other people have their own problems.”

“It could be worse, I should be able to handle this myself.” 

These thoughts are not uncommon, but they are holding you back from reaching out, and getting the support you deserve.

Why do we feel guilty asking for help?

Psychologists call it ‘self-stigma of seeking help’. 

A belief that needing support means we’re failing in some way. 

Whether it is due to cultural conditioning, living in a society that often rewards independence, making people feel weak when they rely on others; fear of burdening others, assuming that asking for help will stress people out (when in reality, most people want to help); a sense of obligation, that If someone helps us, we feel we owe them something in return or a perceived loss of control, where accepting help means admitting we can’t do it alone, research shows that this mindset is both incorrect and harmful to our well-being (Vogel et al, 2006).

How can we overcome guilt and accept support more easily?

1. Reframe your ask as a gift, rather than a burden

People like to help. It gives them a sense of purpose, strengthens relationships, and makes them feel valued. Studies show that offering support boosts happiness levels in the giver, sometimes even more than in the receiver, so don’t be afraid to reach out (Dunn et al., 2008).

📌 Try this mental shift: 

Instead of thinking "I’m imposing", reframe your thought to be:“By allowing people to help, I’m giving them an opportunity to feel needed and connected.”

2. Be specific with your ask

A vague “I’ll let you know if I need anything” often leads to awkwardness or guilt. When presented with an opportunity, assume people who reach out are genuinely interested in pitching in. Clear requests make it easier to both offer and accept support.

📌 Use statements like: 

“Could you help me pick up groceries this week? Does Wednesday work?"

“Could you come take a short walk with me Thursday afternoon? I’d love the company.”

3. Recognize that strength comes from community and connection

Needing help is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of being human. Trying to do everything on your own doesn’t serve you as much as you think. The strongest people are those who know how to build a support system.

📌 Maitri makes it easier to ask for and receive help without guilt by providing a structured way to share responsibilities and support.

4. Remind yourself that you’d do the same for others

If you knew a friend was struggling, you’d probably reach out to them to see what you can do. If they reached out to you, you would gladly help! You wouldn’t think less of them, you’d just be happy to lend a hand, so why hold yourself to a different standard?

📌 Try this exercise:

Write down how you’d feel if someone close to you asked for help. Then, apply that same kindness to yourself.

5. Practice accepting help with gratitude

We know it’s hard, but practice replacing apologizing and over explaining, second guessing the likes of “Are you sure? I feel bad asking…” and “I don’t want to take up your time.” with more positive affirmations such as “Thank you, that would be really helpful.” or “I appreciate it so much.”

Vogel et al. (2006), Self-Stigma of Seeking Help, Journal of Counseling Psychology.

Dunn et al. (2008), Spending Money on Others Promotes Happiness, Science.