In an episode of Real Pink, Susan G. Komen’s podcast exploring real stories, struggles, and triumphs related to breast cancer titled “How I Spoke Up For What I Needed”, Julie Hogan shares her experience around asking for and managing help following her aggressive breast cancer diagnosis. 

She talks about how she found herself being supported by an army of people immediately following her diagnosis, but not in a way that she found particularly helpful.

“...People we loved were coming to us in the ways they knew how, you know, bringing food and showing up was creating disruption in our home. So we really needed to sort of put direction out there to, to the people in our life. We have so many people in our life who want to help us and want to be there for us. What do we need? And we ended up…coming up with a list of not only what we needed, but what we didn’t need to give some of that direction.” 

Julie talks about losing control, and understanding her needs, and how they may differ from what is expected of her. She also talks about needing to direct friends, family and loved ones who were looking to help, to a way that is productive, and supportive. 

“We didn’t have all the information and so people started reaching out and saying, you know, who’s in charge of your meal train? And I was like, oh, I guess we have to do a meal train, that’s what you do. You know, who’s in charge of taking you to appointments? And I was like, I guess we need to get people to sign up to take us to do this stuff… You lose so much control in a diagnosis like this” 

Creating a list of what they needed, but also what they didn’t need (right now) gave Julie and her husband a way to better let their community know how to best support them, and when. 

“...we didn’t need the food right now.., we recognized there was probably going to be a time, particularly as chemo, you know, revved up as I had my surgeries. We would need that help. And we did, you know, eventually… We wanted to put it out there that like, we’re grateful for the offer, but we don’t need rides.”

Julie ended up asking her friends, family and loved ones for 3 things: help with her children, walking buddies, and music. 

“The way I did this truly was I sat down and wrote a list. Get a piece of paper and a pencil and write down like what are the three things in this moment you really need… being very honest with yourself that people want to help you. This is a time in your life where you need help, but you can have it on your terms. Help doesn’t have to be casseroles, it doesn’t have to be, if you, and here’s the thing, if you want it to be casseroles, that’s fine. Ask for that. If you feel like crap and you want someone bringing you cookies, say that.”  

In doing so, Julie found herself empowered, supported, and encouraged as she went through her health journey. 

“Now more than ever is your opportunity to tell people what you really need. And I think in some way it’s empowering. You’ll get some of your power back from, you know, so much of it that is taken from you in this disease by simply listing for yourself with people who are ready to show up for you, how do you need them to show up and what are the tactical, explicit things you can put to paper.” 

Julie's story is sadly not uncommon, many are overwhelmed by their diagnosis, thinking what could be helpful, what actually gets in the way, and keeping track of everything, but it doesn’t have to be.

With Maitri, clearly communicating what you need, asking for, and managing help is easy. Our platform is a one stop shop bringing the power of community to health journeys and helping you take back control. 

Listen to full the episode here: https://realpink.komen.org/how-i-spoke-up-for-what-i-needed/